last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
