Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
