So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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