I seem to have left my pride at pride
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
