Apparently you make a good broom.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
