slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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