i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
