I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Damn victory sex feels great
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
