They should really pass out barf bags in church
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
