i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
