two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
