I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
