She is in my trunk
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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