this boner is exhausting
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She bit a glass in half.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
