I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Buhtt sex?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
