trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
