spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
