well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Holy shit dude........stairs
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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