why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
My balls are so social today.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
