Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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