Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
