I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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