glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
