i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
