For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
love makes seman taste better
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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