no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
