no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
How naked do you want me to be?
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