Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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