And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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