Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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