when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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