If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Randomize
