i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
