I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
