the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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