I got her a Nickelback box set.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
There r osticjed everywhere
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
