He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
