K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
