I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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