I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
