I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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