I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
