Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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