sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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