the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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