I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
