Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
