your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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