Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
