So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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